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Once upon a life purpose
You know that feeling you get when you do something that you would do for free because it made you FEEL that good? That feeling of soul-stirring, life purpose, ‘this is what I was put on this earth to do’ feeling? It doesn’t happen for selfish reasons, either, it happens when you’re being of service to someone else.
If you can tap into that feeling and follow that purpose, you are more likely to start manifesting more of what fills your soul. It’s the law of attraction, baby! You can’t help but be a magnet for all the abundance and prosperity and heart-filled bliss that comes along with living your purpose if you allow the universe to help make it so.
Whoa. That was pretty WOOWOO for 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning but I’m sitting in a hotel lobby in Canmore, having coffee on an October morning and preparing to speak at a conference this afternoon.
Last week, I spoke at a Junior High Mental Health and Wellness conference and was touched by the reaction to what I told them. I talked about my journey through Forgiveness and Other Stupid Things and shared advice on how I got through my junior high years despite what was going on at home.
During the Q&A session, a young girl meekly raised her hand and asked, “What do you say to someone who keeps calling you names and makes fun of you?” She could barely get the words out and I took a moment to see the tears in her eyes and the pain she was obviously suffering.
Then I looked around the room and wondered who was making fun of this girl. I wanted my point to have an impact and to help this girl so I simply replied, “This won’t last forever. When you look around you and think that this is your entire life, know that one day you will look back at this as one of the biggest learning curves in your life. The people who are hurting you or being mean are projecting their own insecurities and lack of self-confidence onto you.
“They’re no better than you. They’re trying to figure their sh…stuff out. At this moment in your life, there is no guidebook or right answer that will help you map out your junior high and high school years but you have to dig deep and keep pushing through. Don’t give away your power to ass… bullies. Easier said than done, I know. I’ve been there. I’ve been the mean girl and I’ve been on the receiving end of being bullied. Even as an adult. What I had to learn was that when I was being mean, it’s because of all the darkness that was going on inside of me and the only way I knew to purge it was to spew all that toxic venom onto someone else, people I loved, even.
“Being a bully doesn’t make you strong. Hurting people isn’t a sign that you’re badass or tough. It’s shows that you are weak. So if someone is making fun of you and it hurts, I need you to remember two things: They are hurting but that doesn’t excuse their behaviour and you are stronger than you think.”
She came up to me after I was done speaking and looked at me with tears in her eyes. The mom in me wanted to hug her and tell her it would be alright but before I could, she said, “I’ve talked to my mom about the things that are happening and I’ve I’m getting better but no one has ever said anything to me the way you did during your speech. You’ve given me hope that things will get better and you’ve changed my life.”
I hugged her. I’m not even a huggy or overly sentimental person but this girl brought out all the feels and I needed to reassure her that she wasn’t alone. There’s more to this exchange but I’m writing about it in Trading For Dharma, so make sure you pre-order it in January 😉
When I left the conference, I couldn’t get her question out of my head. I sat in silence and waited for the right answer to come to me and it did.
Sticks and stones is a bullshit idea. Words hurt and anyone who tells you different, is wrong. So how do you really detach from the pain inflicted by someone else’s vitriol? Do what I did. Own it. Take back your power.
In 8 mile, at the end scene, Eminem raps reclaims his power with an epic rap about how he knows all of his darkness, he knows all of his flaws, he turns the spotlight on himself. And then. He points it at his opponent and shines a little light on their flaws.
“Don’t ever try to judge me dude. You don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through… Fuck y’all if you doubt me. I’m a piece of fuckin’ white trash, I say it proudly… here, tell these people something they don’t know about me.” Eminem
Reclaiming your power and owning all your so-called flaws is the most powerful thing you can do. It takes away the power someone has to hurt you by using those so-called flaws against you.
When I released Forgiveness and Other Stupid Things last year (holy shit, it’s exactly a year ago tomorrow when I accidentally hit publish on Amazon!!) someone read the book and asked me, “Aren’t you worried about being judged?”
Uh. No. Because A) if I cared what people had to say about me or the mistakes I made, I wouldn’t have published the damn thing in the first place and B) why should I worry about someone whispering about what I’ve done? I wrote about it for a reason and that reason wasn’t to concern myself with what anyone had to say about my life. I wrote it to inspire, empower and give someone hope that no matter what they’re going through, they will get through it and be stronger because of it.
Insecurity is a lack of self-confidence and self-confidence is born out of inner peace. Embrace who you are at this moment and be OK with the things that make you weird or different. The world isn’t a cookie cutter place and it’s the things that make you different that will be your strengths.
Healing is a journey and life is a series of moments that push you along or hold you back for a reason. You’ll get through it even if you don’t believe it. I promise.