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3 lessons I learned from my mom

By on May 14, 2017

This is my 15th Mother’s Day as a mom but the holiday never really meant much to me until my mom died four years ago. Odd, right? I mean I have two cool kids who love me and have taught me a thousand things about love, peace and pure joy but the idea of a holiday recognizing moms never really appealed to me for a few reasons. One, I don’t like commercialized holidays which is most of them (don’t get me started on Valentine’s Day) and two, when the kids were little, it seemed unnecessary for my husband to have to shop on behalf of the kids. Honestly, I preferred to have the day to myself with no kids or hubby around so I could spend the time as I wanted, not how it was dictated by them.

Selfish, I know #cuetheDeadpoolsarcasm

Anyhoo, as the kids got older, it was nice to receive their special arts and crafts but the entire day was never about me. There was always chores to be done, dinner to be made (hubby usually took the reins on this) and sibling rivalries to referee. You know how it is.

My mom died in 2013 on her 57th birthday and although we had a strained relationship, her death became the catapult to a long overdue healing process of forgiveness *cough* and other stupid things *cough* (see what I did there?).

She might not have been perfect but she did the best with what she knew and on this Mother’s Day, I’ve got three very important lessons that I learned from my imperfect mom.

Heh hem.

  1. Speak your mind

    My mom was not shy about how she felt. She usually went for the shock value in a conversation which I think was masking the pain or sadness she kept buried deep inside herself but what I learned from her was to never back down from speaking my truth. It doesn’t matter if no one else agrees with you or if you are afraid of what someone else thinks, if you hold back from expressing how you feel or what you think, you are censoring yourself for the sake of others. There’s all this talk about being authentic and the best version of yourself, but if you don’t say what’s on your mind, how is that being authentic?

  2. You’re here for a good time

    I was raised on Trooper and Meatloaf, and I remember how she would sing at the top of her lungs without any fucks to give on what other people thought about her singing abilities. The only kid’s music I remember listening to was the Cookie Monster album, C is for Cookie, that my grandma bought me. The rest was all rock and roll and Dolly Parton. I was the only kid in the inner city who listend to music from the 50s and 60s which made me popular #noitdidnot and her love for eclectic playlists inspired me to raise my kids on a diverse range of music. There was no Wheels on the Bus in my house, hell no! There was Ricky Martin, Eminem, Tony Bennett, Aerosmith, Enya and everything in between. Thanks mom!

  3. Everyone has their own journey

    I have a hundred bad memories for every one good memory when it comes to my mom but the good ones are what I carry with me now that she’s gone. Her life was filled with heartache, violence, grief and pain, but I know that her next life will not be as difficult because she will have learned some lessons from her journey in this lifetime. I wish her life was easier but I know that she chose her life before she entered it so there were reasons for what she went through and how she lived. She impacted the lives of her children in different ways and, although I can’t speak for my brothers, I know she made a difference in mine for the greater good. After my mom died, a psychic told me that her message was that she could do more for me now than she could while she was here. You have no idea how true that is.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the women who make a difference in the lives of others whether you’ve birthed them or not. We’re in this together and we’re all connected. May you have love, light and peace throughout your life.